Well I am a little bit worried now, I found 2 more dresses I liked on Thurs but have since sort of gone off them a bit. I am going back with mum and the sis in tow to show her what they look like...the veil is stupendously gorgeous and swayed me more than the dresses which I think is a bad sign.
So now I have gone and booked a further 3 apps to try on at pretty big shops with a lot of designers I have yet to try. However one has got 30 Paloma Blanca dresses so I am beyond hoepful for that one. I have got one on saturday, one on mon, one on weds, and the final one next sat. So....if I have not got one by then...I am just going to wear my mums net curtains fashioned into a toga. Seriously.
I am hopeful I will find one but at the same time being a curvy gal, a lot of the dresses in the past 2 shops were for like size 8's! No way can I guess what they would look like if they fitted when I can't get them past my calves!!!!! No shop lady I can't make a decision based on what I think they will look like when they fit! This is the biggest decision I have to make....like probably ever! You know, apart from whether to donate my organs or not or which house to buy to live in forever (jury still out on that organ one rather selfishly).
So there we have it, I am glad to see however that all this dress dilemma stuff is making the weeks fly by to apps and therefore time is going quickly...I am far too keen for it to be christmas already! I am like already thinking what chistmas decoration scheme to go for...I know I know. And also looking forward to stews, soups and veg rather than salads and meat etc.
That is all, it is my first night on solo call tomorrow so I am a tad nervous and just hope I have a good team on and good anaesthetist. Fingers crossed wont be out all night so I wont look like a dead bride on sat in the shop!
Thursday, 21 July 2011
Sunday, 17 July 2011
50/50
I am today mostly feeling really sorry for myself. I have a friend who is supposed to be one of the best ones, and she is really bringing me down. I sort of want to cut her out, but I am godmother to her son and she is doing a reading at our wedding. But, she seems to be getting really good at pissing me off, a lot.
I can normally handle her life plans changing every week, from getting this house to getting that dream house, to building their own house, to staying where they are. To splitting up to having a baby, to splitting up and moving out with the new baby. To getting back together then splitting up again. To then saying she will never move back in, to moving back in and getting pregnant again prior to moving in, 2 weeks after the latest getting back together. To then getting a lot of money from an accident, and using it to start up a buisness with supposedly 8000 pounds turnover a month allowing her not to work again, to not mentioning this money ever again. Then when I ask, they have got the money but are no longer going into buisness, but have found another forever house they are going to re-do,extend and live forever in. And there was me thinking it was odd that she was skint a few months ago to her getting new wardrobes for the family and re-doing the rented house all up! Mmmmhh not such a surprise now. Then her other half is now entering another new venture with a multimillionaire which will bring a grand a month extra so she is going to be able to work less following the next baby. To then perhaps not working at all if it all kicks off, and her being his PA to manage accounts. To then they have put an offer in on a house, and are waiting for his house to sell and this house couple are happy to wait until they can buy it. Oh and they will get married and she will have one of the best diamonds you can get and etc etc etc. Until I cant breath!
So thats a quick picture of how things are, and other than being really excited if I have any probs to talk about, she is rather not interested in anything. Not the wedding, other than she will be glad to drink and smoke again and she will try and keep on a few extra pounds so I am slimmer than her on my big day (said in jest but I bet she means it) and it will be a night away for them. Super supportive. She asks me how dresses are going whilst looking at her phone, cos she cant have a conversation without looking at it.
And I just dont buy it! This whole, never been happier shit when about 4 times in the space of a year she has said he is not the person she wants him to be and will never change, she doesnt like how he is as a parent etc... why is she now all of a sudden happy and having another kid! My prediction is, in another year we will have gone through all this again. TWICE.
Now, if she was a proper proper best friend, I could be honest with her and tell her, but I just dont think she will accept it. So what the hell do I do!??? I am stuck.
Anway the 50//50 title is because that was the shitty half, this will be the good half.
I tried on wedding dresses and it was fab! I think I have found the one, but cant say too much cos David reads this! But got one more app tomorrow and then i think i will leave it at that if cant find any. Tomorrow is a big designer shop though so probably more dear! And more choice! Eeek!
I can normally handle her life plans changing every week, from getting this house to getting that dream house, to building their own house, to staying where they are. To splitting up to having a baby, to splitting up and moving out with the new baby. To getting back together then splitting up again. To then saying she will never move back in, to moving back in and getting pregnant again prior to moving in, 2 weeks after the latest getting back together. To then getting a lot of money from an accident, and using it to start up a buisness with supposedly 8000 pounds turnover a month allowing her not to work again, to not mentioning this money ever again. Then when I ask, they have got the money but are no longer going into buisness, but have found another forever house they are going to re-do,extend and live forever in. And there was me thinking it was odd that she was skint a few months ago to her getting new wardrobes for the family and re-doing the rented house all up! Mmmmhh not such a surprise now. Then her other half is now entering another new venture with a multimillionaire which will bring a grand a month extra so she is going to be able to work less following the next baby. To then perhaps not working at all if it all kicks off, and her being his PA to manage accounts. To then they have put an offer in on a house, and are waiting for his house to sell and this house couple are happy to wait until they can buy it. Oh and they will get married and she will have one of the best diamonds you can get and etc etc etc. Until I cant breath!
So thats a quick picture of how things are, and other than being really excited if I have any probs to talk about, she is rather not interested in anything. Not the wedding, other than she will be glad to drink and smoke again and she will try and keep on a few extra pounds so I am slimmer than her on my big day (said in jest but I bet she means it) and it will be a night away for them. Super supportive. She asks me how dresses are going whilst looking at her phone, cos she cant have a conversation without looking at it.
And I just dont buy it! This whole, never been happier shit when about 4 times in the space of a year she has said he is not the person she wants him to be and will never change, she doesnt like how he is as a parent etc... why is she now all of a sudden happy and having another kid! My prediction is, in another year we will have gone through all this again. TWICE.
Now, if she was a proper proper best friend, I could be honest with her and tell her, but I just dont think she will accept it. So what the hell do I do!??? I am stuck.
Anway the 50//50 title is because that was the shitty half, this will be the good half.
I tried on wedding dresses and it was fab! I think I have found the one, but cant say too much cos David reads this! But got one more app tomorrow and then i think i will leave it at that if cant find any. Tomorrow is a big designer shop though so probably more dear! And more choice! Eeek!
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
I must...
...collect myself! I have just booked my first appoinment to try on bridal frockage! I know, me who has been putting it off and putting it off and thinking I will never get a dress to match my budget/figure/dreams. Well I have booked an app, and it's tomorrow! I am so excited! My mum can come and cry too, hopefully or not if they are no good!
The lady on the phone was lovely and really helpful and juggled things around to fit me in and give me enough time, then reassured me that sizes would be bigger because bridal dresses are smaller fitting so not to panic!
And, because they are having a show and sale on sat that I can't get to cos of ruddy work, she said they will try and sort me out with a discount anyway if I find the dress I want. Yeah, like that will happen on the first go!
Ahhh, I have also booked 2 further appointments, one on Mon and one on Sat 23rd. I don't think my mum is here on the 23rd but she might be. And anyway, Liz can come and my mum can come back and see any I like. The one on Mon is at the award winning shop that has a collection of dresses that I had a look at online and they look stunning!
So I am officially get my wedding on! I am going to be pro-active and follow the real brides advice and make a chart/list of things to sort in order of priority and such like. I am also going to stop being such a mizzer about the planning and just get on with it and plan and be simple about it. I am going to stop comparing myself to every woman on every wedding blog and feeling sub-standard (not least because of my lacking skills in blogging). I am just going to man up!
Oh and I have been back to the gym yest and worked my butt off, I also have avoided going today. I know I am bad. But I am going tomorrow and I am seeing Alexander in the morning for a little bit and to take him swimming I think. But apart from that, I am trying on brides dresses. And catching up with my bezzler in the evening for tea. The dress thing might be just the motivation I need to get back on the diet track and gym it up. I booked up both in with the trainer in 2 weeks and buff bodies will be ours!!
So thats it! Oh and I have a follower!? Thanks so much but I fear you will be uber bored reading my posts haha...they are mostly garb! xx
The lady on the phone was lovely and really helpful and juggled things around to fit me in and give me enough time, then reassured me that sizes would be bigger because bridal dresses are smaller fitting so not to panic!
And, because they are having a show and sale on sat that I can't get to cos of ruddy work, she said they will try and sort me out with a discount anyway if I find the dress I want. Yeah, like that will happen on the first go!
Ahhh, I have also booked 2 further appointments, one on Mon and one on Sat 23rd. I don't think my mum is here on the 23rd but she might be. And anyway, Liz can come and my mum can come back and see any I like. The one on Mon is at the award winning shop that has a collection of dresses that I had a look at online and they look stunning!
So I am officially get my wedding on! I am going to be pro-active and follow the real brides advice and make a chart/list of things to sort in order of priority and such like. I am also going to stop being such a mizzer about the planning and just get on with it and plan and be simple about it. I am going to stop comparing myself to every woman on every wedding blog and feeling sub-standard (not least because of my lacking skills in blogging). I am just going to man up!
Oh and I have been back to the gym yest and worked my butt off, I also have avoided going today. I know I am bad. But I am going tomorrow and I am seeing Alexander in the morning for a little bit and to take him swimming I think. But apart from that, I am trying on brides dresses. And catching up with my bezzler in the evening for tea. The dress thing might be just the motivation I need to get back on the diet track and gym it up. I booked up both in with the trainer in 2 weeks and buff bodies will be ours!!
So thats it! Oh and I have a follower!? Thanks so much but I fear you will be uber bored reading my posts haha...they are mostly garb! xx
Friday, 8 July 2011
Weekend
Its here, my gorgeous one is on his way home with a surprise tea...that means its gonna be bad for the diet!
My sis rang and was sort of ok, which in part makes me wish I hadn't written a long bottled up post previously...but it needed to come out.
I had a lovely time catching up with my oldest friend Stacey (as in I have known her yonks, not that she is the oldest). She is so lovely and I really need to make more of an effort to see her....wine should be involved too!
She has 2 super cute kittens to play with which was lovely!
So I think when I look at other peoples blogs I feel ashamed that mine is just literally a lot of ramblings and nothing too interesting or well written. I need to try harder but I feel I am always rushing and never have the time....its a shame cos I know deep down I am a good blogger trapped in a bad bloggers hands!
Will try harder. I also think I need to make some appts to try on dresses soon. And really be good on the diet and get my arse in the gym. From next week I promise.
We have got a photoshoot booked with Amy for Nov involving our gorgeous choc bear...yay! Cant wait but we all need to tone it up for then!
Anyway happy weekend y'all!
My sis rang and was sort of ok, which in part makes me wish I hadn't written a long bottled up post previously...but it needed to come out.
I had a lovely time catching up with my oldest friend Stacey (as in I have known her yonks, not that she is the oldest). She is so lovely and I really need to make more of an effort to see her....wine should be involved too!
She has 2 super cute kittens to play with which was lovely!
So I think when I look at other peoples blogs I feel ashamed that mine is just literally a lot of ramblings and nothing too interesting or well written. I need to try harder but I feel I am always rushing and never have the time....its a shame cos I know deep down I am a good blogger trapped in a bad bloggers hands!
Will try harder. I also think I need to make some appts to try on dresses soon. And really be good on the diet and get my arse in the gym. From next week I promise.
We have got a photoshoot booked with Amy for Nov involving our gorgeous choc bear...yay! Cant wait but we all need to tone it up for then!
Anyway happy weekend y'all!
Well...
Its the last day of holiday for me, well weekday anyway, we have the weekend off.
Mr M has been at work yesterday and today and I miss him loads. Whilst having days away together is so amazing, it makes it so hard to then go back to spending most days apart. Boo.
I am waiting for a phone call off the sis who is going to see the other new mum sis on her own. She wanted to go this weekend, I didnt. I know, I know it may sound selfish, I want to spend the last couple of days with Mr M doing naff all and making the most before its back to work. I know there is no point explaining this to the sis because she will say we have other weekends and we have had the last 4 days together etc etc...I know this speech well. But nevertheless, I dont feel bad that I want to spend my time with him this weekend. Me and David will go and visit them when they are a bit more settled in and it has died down a bit, plus yes selfish I know, we can make a bit more of travelling there and go out somewhere in between looking at the new baby.
I am also, not that close to the older one and yes she is my sister and yes I love her, but I would literally only be going because other sis wants someone to travel with. She doesns't like motorways. And in my opinion, me not wanting to go versus her wanting me to go....well it's my choice no? I am afraid this is how it is going to be now I am 27 ha, I am going to start making my own decisions and standing by them and not giving in in case someone has an attack of the "well your wrongsies" and sulks for a bit.
The other thing is, we did go to big sis's when she had her firstborn, and we stayed over and had a laugh etc but that was 3 years ago and things were different then. I didnt mind going and leaving my useless ex and getting out the house. Now I would rather be in my house with my man than anywhere else or with anyone else. I just don't know if thats really understood or accepted by my family. To me it is a completly normal desire to want to choose your partner over anyone else, especially when we are so busy when we are back at work and have life in the way. The other side of this is my sis wont think we are too busy as we dont have kids and we have my mum on hand to help. But our jobs?? They are hard work, stressfull, tiring and we have a few hours together tops in the week. Then on the weekends we feel compelled to see our family because they dont come here much, perhaps if we invite them, and we tend to have the kids over more than anything. So its a pretty stressfull life, and I dont even want to get into that conversation with my sis because it wont end with my point being taken. It will end in my being pushed away again. Each time she does something it pushes me away and thats why things are different than they used to be.
It started when me and david got together, she almost cut all ties with me because I was putting my new love first. I have it on good authority thats what happens when you meet the love of your life, but I wasnt allowed to enjoy that time because I wasnt in touch with her as much. I dreaded introducing them, talking about him, just being with her cos it felt it was bubbling the whole time. Then last year for my birthday, it tied in with her hubbys 50th, they were going to Venice and me and david and steph were sharing looking after all 4 kids while they went. But because the weekend before she wanted to do a bbq and we were going away for my birthday...she kicked off. It wasnt pretty and I saw something in her I really didnt like, and it doesnt go away.
Then its just the little digs all the time about how busy she is and how easy I have it. Or its about how lazy I am. And it takes its toll. She is also really disorganised, and leaves things til the last minute (because of the business) and then stresses me out telling me how busy she is yet again and I feel compelled to help or do something to make me seem less lazy and have less of an easy life. Its really hard. I sometimes dread saying things in case she doesn't like it. If we go away I tell her in plenty of time in case she had something she needed me for. And this year, we had the kids and took them out the day before our hol, leaving us little time to get sorted, so they could go out for the night and relax....and she said she was tired cos she had to get up early cos we were dropping them back off in the morning (we were going on hol). She then said it was weird not having the kids there in the afternoon on Ians birthday and she felt bad for him! Great, next time do summat with the kids and dont go out on your own then! It made our going away day stressfull, it made it late cos we then had to drop the dog off at his mums as my mum went back to essex for the babybirth.
So we have decided...next year, we are going away for the week, and just because its Ians bday, I will NOT feel bad because its mine too. And I have no kids and no responsibilities and can do whatever the hell I want to do!
So thats my rant, and I feel better. Though she hasnt rung yet so I cant yet go to my friends. I have to take cooks out too first.
On the other side of the coin though, she is one of my bestest friends. hahaha...I know.
Mr M has been at work yesterday and today and I miss him loads. Whilst having days away together is so amazing, it makes it so hard to then go back to spending most days apart. Boo.
I am waiting for a phone call off the sis who is going to see the other new mum sis on her own. She wanted to go this weekend, I didnt. I know, I know it may sound selfish, I want to spend the last couple of days with Mr M doing naff all and making the most before its back to work. I know there is no point explaining this to the sis because she will say we have other weekends and we have had the last 4 days together etc etc...I know this speech well. But nevertheless, I dont feel bad that I want to spend my time with him this weekend. Me and David will go and visit them when they are a bit more settled in and it has died down a bit, plus yes selfish I know, we can make a bit more of travelling there and go out somewhere in between looking at the new baby.
I am also, not that close to the older one and yes she is my sister and yes I love her, but I would literally only be going because other sis wants someone to travel with. She doesns't like motorways. And in my opinion, me not wanting to go versus her wanting me to go....well it's my choice no? I am afraid this is how it is going to be now I am 27 ha, I am going to start making my own decisions and standing by them and not giving in in case someone has an attack of the "well your wrongsies" and sulks for a bit.
The other thing is, we did go to big sis's when she had her firstborn, and we stayed over and had a laugh etc but that was 3 years ago and things were different then. I didnt mind going and leaving my useless ex and getting out the house. Now I would rather be in my house with my man than anywhere else or with anyone else. I just don't know if thats really understood or accepted by my family. To me it is a completly normal desire to want to choose your partner over anyone else, especially when we are so busy when we are back at work and have life in the way. The other side of this is my sis wont think we are too busy as we dont have kids and we have my mum on hand to help. But our jobs?? They are hard work, stressfull, tiring and we have a few hours together tops in the week. Then on the weekends we feel compelled to see our family because they dont come here much, perhaps if we invite them, and we tend to have the kids over more than anything. So its a pretty stressfull life, and I dont even want to get into that conversation with my sis because it wont end with my point being taken. It will end in my being pushed away again. Each time she does something it pushes me away and thats why things are different than they used to be.
It started when me and david got together, she almost cut all ties with me because I was putting my new love first. I have it on good authority thats what happens when you meet the love of your life, but I wasnt allowed to enjoy that time because I wasnt in touch with her as much. I dreaded introducing them, talking about him, just being with her cos it felt it was bubbling the whole time. Then last year for my birthday, it tied in with her hubbys 50th, they were going to Venice and me and david and steph were sharing looking after all 4 kids while they went. But because the weekend before she wanted to do a bbq and we were going away for my birthday...she kicked off. It wasnt pretty and I saw something in her I really didnt like, and it doesnt go away.
Then its just the little digs all the time about how busy she is and how easy I have it. Or its about how lazy I am. And it takes its toll. She is also really disorganised, and leaves things til the last minute (because of the business) and then stresses me out telling me how busy she is yet again and I feel compelled to help or do something to make me seem less lazy and have less of an easy life. Its really hard. I sometimes dread saying things in case she doesn't like it. If we go away I tell her in plenty of time in case she had something she needed me for. And this year, we had the kids and took them out the day before our hol, leaving us little time to get sorted, so they could go out for the night and relax....and she said she was tired cos she had to get up early cos we were dropping them back off in the morning (we were going on hol). She then said it was weird not having the kids there in the afternoon on Ians birthday and she felt bad for him! Great, next time do summat with the kids and dont go out on your own then! It made our going away day stressfull, it made it late cos we then had to drop the dog off at his mums as my mum went back to essex for the babybirth.
So we have decided...next year, we are going away for the week, and just because its Ians bday, I will NOT feel bad because its mine too. And I have no kids and no responsibilities and can do whatever the hell I want to do!
So thats my rant, and I feel better. Though she hasnt rung yet so I cant yet go to my friends. I have to take cooks out too first.
On the other side of the coin though, she is one of my bestest friends. hahaha...I know.
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
RMW REAL BRIDE!
Errr thats me! I cant believe it! I really didnt think I would get through, then that I would win...now I just hope I dont disappoint them!
Had a lovely bday away, steph had a baby girl, Catherine Susannah Edith. She is doing ok. Not sure if we are going to go and see them or not this weekend....its all in cahoots.
I dont have time to post much now as unpacking and enjoying last hours of time off before Mr M is back at work tomorrow....gutted!
Will post soon! Yay!
Had a lovely bday away, steph had a baby girl, Catherine Susannah Edith. She is doing ok. Not sure if we are going to go and see them or not this weekend....its all in cahoots.
I dont have time to post much now as unpacking and enjoying last hours of time off before Mr M is back at work tomorrow....gutted!
Will post soon! Yay!
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