Shittiest week ever

So this has been a crap week. Auntie Jean died on tues morning, and on a selfish note...I failed at my interview for A&E and then didn't get shortlisted for ICU! I mean, fair do's I knew my interview was shit, but to not even get an interview!

I have a lot of skills, I am without being arrogant at all...a really good nurse. I work my arse off, do minimal complaining, am a fab team member and have tons of respect from the anaesthetists and surgeons who leave their patients in my care in a critical care environment.
I can care for sick children, administer IV drugs to them, do basic life support on them, including children with severe burn injuries. I care for adults/young and elderly, burns, major general surgery, major orthopedic surgery, vascular surgery, gynae surgery including women who have miscarried or had ectopic pregnancies. Women/men undergoing life saving cancer surgeries, obviously requiring a lot of sensitivity and tact. Plastic surgery, airway management and life support. ICU/HDU patients, invasive lines and pressures and setting them up. I AM SKILLED GOD DAMMIT! I can't understand then how I could not even qualify for an interview!

Noone at work wants me to leave, this must be a good sign that I am a good person and I do have a pretty good sense of humour and provide a lot of laughter at work (yes sometimes at me rather than with me). I am one of those nurses who has your back, who works their butt off to make sure you get the care you need and are not fobbed off by toffee nosed doctors. If I were a patient, I would be happy with me looking after me. If you see what I mean. But no, no interview. Thanks a bunch.

So in my spoiled brat tantrum of a way I am awaiting a call back from HR to tell me exactly why I have not been shortlisted and they better have a ruddy good reason or else it's on! Legally, they have to have a reason to not shortlist you...either not meeting essential criteria (which in this case I more than do), or being a bit of a twat I imagine...which I am not. Or maybe it's that long standing arrogance ITU people have of noone being good enough only them....but I work in Critical care already! Maybe that's it...there is a notorious dislike in most trusts for theatre/PACU teams...because obviously we give them work when our patients are ready to return to the ward. But still...would this really boil down to that? I just don't know.

You may think with all this that I have forgotten about my auntie...I haven't. She along with the guilt of not doing enough/visiting enough is still there...chipping away at me. The mood in our house has been pretty crap this week, and I can't emphasise enough how badly we are looking forward to this week off!
I have tonights shift and a long day tomorrow to get through and then that is it! For a week. Just us, a lovely cottage and plenty of R&R.

I have hardly  been online at all so everything has been a bit neglected. I must try harder once I am back off holiday. We won't be going to the funeral because we are away and my mum insisted we didn't ruin our much needed break by coming back for it. I respectfully agreed she was right. Selfish again right?

So, that is it, I have also been comfort eating like a mother. Back to diet and gym world as soon as we get back...the count down is well and truly underway for the big day. Almost four months people.

I got an Iphone, I downloaded a wedding countdown app. Yes that is how sad I am. I had words with myself about it fret not.