A letter to my younger self

So I am half nicking this from any other wedding reader/writer Fee because it was amazing and I haven't been able to stop thinking about what I would say to me at 15. Or a lot of ages for that matter, so I have decided to mix it up a bit and just pick my best bits of advice for me at different ages really.

To my 7 year old self: You have done really well adapting to a new country (France), learning the language and making new friends so quickly. You will find as you get older that you do have a canny knack of making friends quickly (however none as good as the friends you made here, at the age of 7, it sort of does get worse as you get older, your choice in friends is a bit naff.)
Make the most of those hysterical laughs you have growing up with Celine, Anne Marine and Marion, and the heart to hearts, and the times you sit in a field and sing english songs and teach them the words. Also, enjoy every minute of french life and the place you live, it truly is beautiful and something you will always re-visit and call home. All these things are something you will look back on a lot as you get older. Possibly not a good idea to smoke pot when you hate the taste, or Camel cigarettes for that matter to fit in...you will blame this for the fact you are only 5"2.5 on this in the future.

To my 13 year old self: Oh my god, your dad has a mistress! And a baby! And your mum's life is in ruins and the family in turmoil and you managed to keep it together and go to school and just deal with it. Kudos! If you were older, you would not have handled it this well! Oh and having to translate what the doctors said in the psychiatric unit your dad got admitted to after locking you and your mum up in the house overnight...you didn't bat an eyelid! Seriously, second only to going to court and getting someone banged up for being a horrible excuse for a human being this is probably your finest moment as a child. Your mum and you will be fine and you will see it all happens for a reason. Moving back to England won't be so bad, I promise!

To my 15 year old self: Ok, so your dad now lives with the other woman, your mum has had a really tough time and is living in a village where people know your dad and his mistress rather than your mum. Why do you feel the need to add to her pain by throwing parties when she is away, trashing her flat and generally being a cow. Sort it out! Your mum is the best friend you will ever have and you will be soooo close, you should really start and be nice to her and stop putting her through misery. She has gone through enough. 
On a positive note, stop obsessing about your weight! You are the slimmest you will be for quite some time, and believe me you will wish you were this weight when you are 27! Or any age in your 20's for that matter. Just eat and be carefree! And stop worrying about the friends you so desperately want to fit in with, they end up amounting to nothing. You have seriously bad taste in friends!

To my 16 year old self: Well done for finding the courage to stand up and get justice served, your teacher that guided you through it all will be in touch with you for the rest of your life and is so so proud of you. As is your mum and all the family. It will be the MOST hardest, horriblest time going to court TWICE and having to recount what this disgusting pig did, but you WILL come out the other side, and he WILL be punished. Oh, and that boy you think is the world and broke your heart...it will take you a while to get over it being that he was in France and you went back every weekend and had some of the best times of your life. You WILL get over it, and he will end up fat and very ugly. WIN!

To my 18 year old self: You got to your adult years without a drug problem, a teenage pregnancy (even though you did think that there was only you in your year sans child, good move not crumbling.) or any jail time. You even managed to live 2 years with your dad, mistress and 2 kids whilst finishing your GCSE's, well done! You definately did the right thing moving back to Yorkshire to be with your mum and family. You turned out alright! Seriously though, don't bother with the boy at the pub, keep focused on your studies and work hard and get to uni first off! You will end up stuck in a rut for 7 years and he is no good for you. Please, leave it be, and don't think that dropping out of six form to work in a bar is a wise move. You WILL regret it. But you are still slim at this point, so flaunt it and get plenty of clothes!

To my 24 year old self: Well, you pulled it round, you went and got a career and one you are proud of and ridiculously good at! Bravo my love! You also too your time realising that the good for nothing you lived with was not worth the trouble you put in! You spent the first half of your 20's either slaving away at work or being a mother/housewife type to your boyfriend. It DOES matter that he doesn't buy you presents, even little cheap ones when your skint. And his family ARE all stark raving mad, you were right. He is a worthless piece of rubbish who robbed you blind and to this day has not paid you back. You did not live your 20's at all.
But it's ok, when you qualified a new physio started on the ward and you had a HUGE crush on him. You thought he was the bee's knees and spent all your shifts daydreaming about being with him. Little do you know he feels the same. And you are about to embark on the best thing that ever happened, a true love story. Yes, it will be hard, there will be difficult break ups to be had on both sides. But, it is worth it a million times over. You will end up getting married and being happier than you ever thought possible. You did the right thing writing him that letter, even though you were terrified he would report you for stalking behaviour. Your life really begins from this point on, from 24 onwards you will have the life you always dreamed of. Forget all the rubbish friends etc, your life is fulfilled by just him alone anyway. People will tell you you are rushing in, trust your instinct. It is right. It's the rightest thing ever!

So there it is, I don't know what the future may hold, but I feel it can only be awesomeness. I can't wait to get older just to see what we achieve and what our life brings us. A whole new chapter will start once we are married, a new house and lots of new holidays and places to experience together. His house has sold and is in the process of going though which is the best news all year.

All is left to do is concentrate on getting that weight off, the gym is now my friend again and I am hopeful I will have a bikini bod before my 30's are upon me.

I loved writing that letter, it is really cathartic and I just wish I could have received it at those times.